Subject to Reality

Hammett was still alive this morning. His wet food, dry food and fresh water are in place as always. Over the past couple of months, he has scarfed down many crunchy treats after getting his prednisone, but over the past week, he stopped eating those, too. I put just two in a little bowl a few days ago so I’d be able to tell if he ate them, which he didn’t. This morning it occurred to me that maybe two little treats is not enough to emanate an enticing scent, so I put two more in the bowl, and he came in and ate two of them! So then I added another fistful, even though I won’t be able to tell if he is eating them, unless he eats them all, which I don’t expect to happen.

He is mainly just lying in one spot or another for a long time. When he walks, he is wobbly. He does not crave much interaction, so any little moments of this have brought me joy. When I was meditating today, he lay down just in front of me.

After I got the bill for $150 for the out-of-network provider who had some hand in my ultrasound earlier this year, I filed an appeal and by today, had not heard anything. The due date for the bill is tomorrow, so I called ABC insurance. I had compiled a giant list of things to discuss with various entities, and was prepared to mention that I planned to complain to the California department of insurance, and also to send a letter to our (awesome) governor, Gavin Newsom, who is doing a great job in regard to the coronavirus. I feel not much confidence in the federal response, Dr. Fauci aside, but tremendous confidence in California’s and San Francisco’s.

However, my problem with that bill evaporated after one simple call to my insurance company. The person there explained that it is a technicality that the provider is considered to be out of network, and after putting me on hold briefly, she came back to say that I will have to pay only ten percent of the billed amount. She also provided a convincing explanation as to why another bill pertaining to this same ultrasound is the amount that it is. I asked if there’s any way to avoid having an out-of-network provider involved in my care and she said, “Not necessarily,” but confirmed that I would never have to pay more than my annual out-of-pocket maximum in any event, and, anticipating my final question, she said that if I have to have surgery and they invite an out-of-network anesthesiologist to participate, for instance, that would be billed as if it is in network—they understand that a patient has no control over all the various entities that may participate in a major medical undertaking such as surgery.

I was delighted when I got off that call—instead having to make a zillion calls and issue various threats, it is all resolved and my mind is at ease. The worst part about that bill was fearing I could not trust ABC as a health care provider, but now I think I basically can. It always pays to closely examine one's EOBs! (Explanation of benefits.)

In the afternoon, Tom and I went out for a rather strange walk in the Mission. There were many fewer people outside than usual, and ample street parking where there is always none. Business after business had a handmade sign on the door saying it was closed. Just inside the door of one restaurant—taking food out is allowed; sitting down to dine is not—stood a uniformed security guard. We walked over to the laundromat we use and were pleased to find it open. Laundromats are supposed to be open, but the one nearest our house is not. (We stopped going to that one after the thrill of taking dripping wet clothes out of the “dryer” wore off.) We also went over to see the lady who washes and irons my work shirts and she said that at this moment, I could drop off a shirt, but after tomorrow, who knows?

I was in quite a cheery mood when Tom and I set off for this walk, but returned in kind of a bad mood. At home, I found that Hammett had vomited the two little treats onto my bed. How durable is our ability to delude ourselves: I had half started to think that a cat can just live forever not eating. Remember the law of impermanence, as Roshi says. She also says: The itinerary is subject to reality.