Friday, September 30, 2005

Shall We Split One?

This is a phrase I have been using since Carol Munter’s workshop in regard to dessert, when dining out. It feels very right, and yet I marvel to myself every time I say it, as before I always finished my entire dinner, regardless of hunger, and generally refused to share (I'm famous among my friends for not wanting to share when it comes to food), and then always had the largest and gooiest possible dessert, even if I was stuffed, and ate the whole thing without fail (and refused to share, or shared a bite or two only grudgingly).

Now I think of dessert as a bit of something sweet after a meal, and it seems unthinkable to eat a whole slab of cake. I have become, at least temporarily, one of those annoying people who says, "Oh, I couldn't eat THAT whole thing!"

Of course, I could easily eat the whole thing if I wanted to.

It's a bit scary to say this. I have a fear of sharing success or accomplishment or positive change (it's mainly a fear of surpassing my mother or leaving her behind, but it pops up other places, too). It has happened a million times that I have said in regard to eating, "It's going great," and then as soon as I say that, it isn't going great anymore. But I guess the solution isn't to refrain from saying it's going great. It's going great.