Friday, April 28, 2006

Tree-Dwelling Fish-Chomping Snakes

Today the San Francisco Chronicle published a letter to the editor from me. I found out when I was standing at the bus stop (yay, it’s acupuncture day) and Dave Snyder cycled by and said, “Good letter.” Having a letter published happens with gratifying frequency, but it always is thrilling.

Lately I’ve been giving away stuff free on craigslist, such as quite a large number of sanitary pads that I decided had too much perfume in them, a small jar of Tiger Balm minus one fingerful (why isn’t that a word?), a Revere skillet, and just the lid to an old-model Revere Ware skillet. Today I’m attempting to give away an unopened bottle of hot sauce, which I used to use to cook chicken, and an unopened jar of Nayonaise, as I have switched to Organic Eggless Vegan Light Mayo from Spectrum, which is really fantastic stuff. I don’t really like the taste of egg, so even if I stop being vegan someday, I might keep using this mayo.

A lot of people wanted the skillet, which Revere sent me as a replacement for my old skillet whose handle cracked, but I’m not into the non-stick thing, besides which I think it’s rather ugly, though it is very sturdy. I got a funny email about it that began, “Please, good people, I must have that skillet!”

I was surprised that anyone at all wanted a vintage lid, but three people did and someone came and got it yesterday afternoon. A whole bunch of children were lining up to go into Chevy’s as I was waiting there to hand off the lid, and one of them gave me a look that very obviously said, “Overlooking for now the rearview mirror on your bicycle helmet, why are you carrying a pan lid?”

I don’t know if I will succeed in giving away the Nayonaise. So far the only email I got about it said something like, “You must be kidding.” On the contrary. Somewhere out there is a person of low income or not who uses Nayonaise, though he or she may not see my ad.

Revere also sent me a two-quart saucepan and a three-quart saucepan, again to replace pots whose handles had cracked, and at first I was very pleased with this shiny new cookware, but then I noticed a couple of things that are different about the new ones, besides the fact that they were made in Indonesia rather than Illinois, I believe it was. They are noticeably lighter, and the line near the bottom that separates the copper from the stainless steel is not a perfectly straight line, because, apparently, the bottom isn’t made from a solid piece of copper but was just dipped in some kind of copper juice.

I also noticed that when I look into these pots, there is something at the bottom in the center. Leftover glue or a scratch? No—it’s actually the information stamped on the outside of the bottom of the pot showing through into the inside of the pot. Alas, “flimsy” is the word that comes to mind. No wonder they did the warranty replacement with such alacrity.

To console myself, I went over to the Academy of Sciences, which is currently located very conveniently at Fifth and Howard, though it will be moving back to Golden Gate Park in 2008, and looked at the fish, snakes, lizards, turtles and so forth. I particularly like the enormous fish that look like alligators and the stingrays. The alligator gars have lived at the Academy aquarium for more than 50 years!

I heard one kid say, “I don’t like his eyes. They’re ugly.” He was looking at an enormous eel that was doing little today beyond slightly opening and closing its mouth, but last time I was there, it, or another one that looked quite like it, and a friend had managed to stuff themselves into the same long plastic tube. It was quite comical to see the two deadpan eel faces bursting out of the end of the tube.

There is also an aquarium full of extremely skinny little green snakes that live in trees but only eat fish. The snake reaches down and immobilizes a passing fish by biting it with his poison jaws. I didn’t see this happen but that’s what the sign said. The snakes blend in very well with the slender tree branches, so it takes a while to realize, “This thing is full of snakes!” The heads of the snakes are smaller than the tip of my little finger.

On the whole, a very pleasant outing.

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