tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-199297392012-02-16T19:28:20.596-08:00"If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" —Will RogersBugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.comBlogger5071100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-62992103367103661302011-12-20T10:05:00.000-08:002012-02-15T16:17:59.461-08:00

Today is surgery day and I am now in almost a full-fledged panic about IORT. Am I making a mistake? If Johns Hopkins doesn’t regard this as safe for patients, am I stupid for going ahead with it? I think my dreams have been trying to cheer me up. In the dreamworld the other night, a parade passed by with a contingent carrying signs saying “BII.” I wondered if this was a group of bisexuals, but

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-76699276035711020102011-12-19T21:38:00.000-08:002012-02-15T20:43:35.006-08:00

Tomorrow is my lumpectomy for DCIS (Stage 0 breast cancer) plus IORT (intraoperative radiation therapy), and I’m still fretting about the latter. I gave Dr. L., my radiation oncologist, a call today, but he wasn’t around, so I spoke with the on-call physician, who was very kind and patient. I mentioned a worrisome New York Times article I’d come upon regarding conventional external radiation

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-70255724227560857102011-12-18T18:44:00.000-08:002012-02-09T15:01:35.742-08:00

It has been quiet at work as we approach the end of the year, which is fortunate. I don’t think I’d have time to be very busy at work and also have cancer, or even pre-cancer. Besides actual appointments, you have to make a lot of phone calls and spend a lot of time on Google. Last night, Venkata treated me to dinner at Dosa on Valencia St. When we got there, they said there were no tables, but

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-27207802318095280992011-12-13T21:08:00.000-08:002012-02-15T20:39:30.877-08:00

Today it was off to meet with radiation oncologist Dr. L., who proved to be the chairman of that department. Radiation oncology is the only thing located in the basement of the building, so when you push the down button for the elevator, everyone knows you have cancer and you feel a little gloomy. Dr. L. was really great, as patient as could be, not one bit frightened by my clipboard and

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-16014779641864037812011-12-12T18:36:00.000-08:002012-02-03T19:54:57.938-08:00

Oh, sorry, make that not revealed here, for the main and simple reason, as Booth Tarkington's Penrod would have said, that I don't know any. This past Saturday I had a very nice moment, sitting in a sunny spot in the laundromat, when I looked up from The New Yorker and realized it had been quite a number of minutes since I’d thought about having breast cancer. Today I met with Surgeon Number

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-60492325755353339712011-12-09T20:28:00.000-08:002012-01-31T10:37:01.407-08:00

Today was difficult. I met with Surgeon Number Two at a hospital close enough to walk to. After a stroll down Valencia St. chomping on a carrot—life was good—I was pleased to see Room 108 just inside the hospital’s main entrance. But then I noticed that it said something about administration on the door, and someone inside the room explained that I wanted the other Room 108, and directed me to

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-58372774606664479012011-12-08T21:56:00.000-08:002012-02-09T14:27:28.829-08:00

I spent some of today reading about topics formerly unheard of or of little interest, now much more captivating: radiation treatment, ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), recurrence risk. I called the nurse educator at SFMC to ask for her help interpreting some things Dr. R. said. I think such conversations are probably a little tricky for her, as she is herself not a doctor, and probably also does

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-83377094148150231452011-12-07T22:09:00.000-08:002012-01-25T23:42:18.077-08:00

One: “Great that the hysterectomy is over—now I won’t have to go to the doctor all the time!” Two: “Boy, it’s a pain getting across town to SFMC—sure hope I never have to go there again!” First, the good news. The stereotactic core needle biopsy on Monday was not a big deal. Basically, your breast dangles through a hole in a table and they compress it, apply a soupçon of local anesthetic, and

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-23622201022573454602011-11-27T12:45:00.000-08:002012-01-25T18:41:27.569-08:00

I was supposed to go to Ypsilanti, MI, for a tasty vegetarian, almost-vegan Thanksgiving dinner with my mother, father and sister, but, because of the hysterectomy, still am sleeping flat on my back all night every night, which normally would be impossible, but somehow the body cooperates when necessary. But that’s on my own bed, which is reminiscent of a cement sidewalk in firmness. Sleeping

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-49193458225168330082011-11-23T21:38:00.000-08:002012-01-19T22:32:36.085-08:00

Hey, this is post number 500! Dr. M. says lying on my stomach won't do any harm, but it might be uncomfortable. She suggested scheduling the biopsy for a couple of weeks out, so it will be December 5. Toward the end of September, I went to Eugene Cash’s Sunday night sitting group, as was my weekly habit, and in his talk, he mentioned something that caused me to remember that it had been ten

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-7748480824556800862011-11-18T18:10:00.000-08:002012-01-17T18:28:07.033-08:00

Yesterday I went back to SFMC (Super Fantastic Medical Center; not its real name) for my mammogram recheck. It would have been sooner, but I had to wait until I’d recuperated a bit from the hysterectomy. The original mammogram was my first at this place and by far the most painful I’ve ever had, so you can imagine my pleasure when I saw the same technician coming for me yesterday. Nice woman, but

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-27138499380734450562011-11-02T15:24:00.000-07:002012-01-16T11:31:06.931-08:00

The surgery began at 2, concluded at 4, and Tom fetched me home in a CarShare car about 6:15 that same evening. Rather amazing. In the operating room, Carole King was playing, and I grumbled, “I forgot to bring my Metallica CD.” Dr. M. said, “You don’t mind if we listen to Carole King, do you?” I said, “If it makes you calm, go right ahead,” and behind me, I could hear someone, perhaps the

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-69900882919066270292011-11-01T11:03:00.000-07:002012-01-16T17:58:30.737-08:00

I’m still here! Today I set myself a research project: to gain familiarity with the oeuvre of the band Anthrax, one of the “Big Four” of American metal, until today completely unheard by me. After I receive Megadeth’s latest, released yesterday, I’ll have every one of their studio albums, and I have every one of Metallica’s studio albums. (You might like to know that Metallica has nine studio

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-78844298307305567142011-06-15T06:02:00.000-07:002011-06-15T16:17:43.966-07:00

Last weekend was amazingly wonderful. A lot of stuff seems to be amazingly wonderful lately now that I’m making a much more determined effort to put aside ruminations regarding the past and the future. There is so much to enjoy.Last Friday night, I went to see Jeff for acupuncture, which is always hugely pleasant. The next day, I met not one, but two, of my neighbors from the building next door,

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-61308137148560718652011-06-10T05:29:00.000-07:002011-06-15T15:52:10.665-07:00

Late in April I went to We Be Sushi for dinner with Tom, his girlfriend, and her son. Close questioning revealed that the son’s birthday is the very day after mine, so he has just left his teens and I have one more year before I turn 50.Did I mention the very helpful thing my father said when my mother had cancer? Before I tell you what it was—cliffhanger!—I wanted to mention that after my mother

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-69543024608822280842011-05-27T05:20:00.000-07:002011-06-15T15:26:04.387-07:00

A few days ago, I saw something that caught my eye: a note on the neighbors’ garage saying to pick up the trash in the alley. Did that mean it was now possible to walk through that alley? Sure enough, the grilling neighbor has cleared out the alley and the trash picker-uppers can now walk through it. In fact, there is only one thing visible at the end of the alley I can see from my kitchen window

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-58607625034772697882011-05-17T05:07:00.000-07:002011-06-15T15:09:02.208-07:00

I am going to have to strip the best-sunblock title from Vanicream. If you insist on a mineral sunblock, then Vanicream is definitely the one, in SPF 30 or 60, but if vanity trumps health considerations, and/or you just can’t stand to have every pore sealed shut, try this combination of mineral and chemical ingredients: Elta MD UV Facial (Moisturizing Facial Sunscreen, SPF 30+). No fragrance, no

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-68702130213525150802011-05-10T07:40:00.000-07:002011-05-26T21:15:06.601-07:00

Naturally, right on the heels of phone problems came grilling problems. I’ve been noticing lighter fluid fumes coming in my kitchen window the past couple of months, just a little, and I assumed someone was grilling on a nearby deck or rooftop. This past Sunday, it was much stronger, and I ended up with a headache, and then realized someone was performing the heinous act of grilling with charcoal

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-60530297801081283232011-05-09T05:17:00.000-07:002011-05-26T16:36:06.099-07:00

Lately my mother gave me a compliment that I appreciated. She observed that I was doing some new things, and doing some things better. “It’s largely due to your cancer,” I told her. “Thank you for getting cancer. That was excellent parenting.”So, yes, my mother very graciously did get cancer and is now, thank goodness, free of it. The diagnosis was early in February and successful surgery—no

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-42081140610783374552011-05-08T20:01:00.000-07:002011-05-26T21:06:32.622-07:00

My retreat was nine days long. I left on a Monday and returned home on a Wednesday. On Thursday—I’d taken the remainder of the week off work—I finally completed a project I’ve been meaning to get to for ages, making a CD that approximates Now & Zen’s chiming alarm clocks.I had recorded several sounds, using my meditation bell (close to the mic, farther from the mic, hitting the bell hard, hitting

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-27284469234249696332011-05-07T05:48:00.000-07:002011-05-26T21:00:57.899-07:00

On April 25, I left for a nine-day concentration retreat at Spirit Rock. It was splendid. From the moment I arrived, I found myself very aware moment to moment of what my mind was up to—I realize that is increasingly the case all the time—and thus not lost in stories.On a vipassana retreat, if someone is making annoying noises in the meditation hall (or doing anything annoying anywhere), a

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-69285399261330826412011-05-06T05:38:00.000-07:002011-05-26T15:43:25.540-07:00

Late in April, I met a newish friend for tea at Borderlands Café, at 870 Valencia, between 19th and 20th. As we were leaving after a most congenial chat, she pointed out the sign painted on the front: “No wi-fi.” That’s why it was such a great place: no laptop zombies! Laptop users are perfectly quiet; that isn’t the problem. However, the fact that their attention is not in the same location as

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-79406452754916222432011-04-18T06:02:00.000-07:002011-04-18T14:17:14.136-07:00

Here’s another good song title: Debauchery’s “Decadent Depravity of the Dead.” I think they’re onto something there, because that’s certainly one of my own least favorite things about the dead, their decadent depravity. (Every time that crosses my mind, I laugh.)I got to the point again of thinking I’d return the Internet radio, which was requiring an undue amount of online research, and to

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-19199278882118629642011-04-11T06:22:00.000-07:002011-04-11T12:16:18.571-07:00

Last Thursday night, I talked to Angela on the phone, as we do every month or so. On Friday night I did laundry, which I give myself permission to do now that I’m nearly 49, which is nearly 50. (I always had permission to do laundry, but there seemed to be some reason not to do it on Friday night, like that I might be out having some fabulous social event.) I recall hearing a man grumbling, years

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-83292156640160097232011-04-06T05:37:00.000-07:002011-04-06T14:52:53.025-07:00

The last Monday in March, I had the great pleasure of dinner at Herbivore with Lisa C., in town from Seattle.I’ve been going to Howie’s every Tuesday evening, and to the Zen Center most Saturday mornings, though not every, and that is a nice dharma balance and good way to be around congenial people. Last night, Howie talked about loss, as his much-loved pet had just died. He said that we want to

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-20155990497022435802011-03-25T05:12:00.000-07:002011-04-06T14:22:18.251-07:00

I’ve been reading a book my mother has often recommended, Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress, which is largely a cognitive approach, and I’ve been finding it remarkably helpful, though one must be careful not to use this kind of thing, ditto one’s meditation practice, to try to avoid feelings that need to be felt. So I say to myself, “I accept that the building manager has a party every

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-53641661585233246942011-03-23T05:41:00.000-07:002011-04-06T13:50:00.557-07:00

A few other random occurrences: The last Saturday in February, I took the bus up to Novato and spent the weekend with Carol Joy. We had lunch at Toast and dinner at a Thai place in San Rafael (not Thai Smile) and breakfast the next day at a place in downtown Novato, and we played several hands of Sneaky Pete, and we saw two movies: No Strings Attached and Just Go With It.By the way, the reason

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-15071325341972262972011-03-21T05:13:00.000-07:002011-03-21T19:23:19.621-07:00

Sorry for long delay. I've been dithering about this and that. To get rolling again, I considered listing the vast number of movies I’ve seen, but decided to skip it, since my movie reviews are very minimal, anyway. I guess I do recommend seeing A Solitary Man, Fish Tank, and Cyrus. And Lorna’s Silence. And Hideaway. And Heartbreaker. In the latter, you can see Johnny Depp’s wife (or longtime

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-21062870477099375142011-02-05T19:38:00.000-08:002011-02-05T20:10:45.844-08:00

You can't see directly into her eyes in any of these, but that is probably fitting, since she was very shy.Amy. We've been friends since we were seven. (I don't know who took this picture.)I just came upon this rather venerable photo of me and Mike S. playing at Club Boomerang; this band was called Thunderosa. I used to perform in most of a nun's habit. (I don't know who took this picture, either

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-35025626867120193652011-01-26T20:10:00.000-08:002011-02-01T14:19:35.787-08:00

Just when I think I’ve lost steam completely blogwise, something amazing happens that absolutely must be reported, such as the fantastic lucid dream I had last night! Yeah, me and Jared Loughner, alas. He’s into lucid dreaming.Toward morning, I had a lovely, vivid dream where I was with Tom’s family, reading the newspaper with Chris. I left the room for some reason, and when I was returning, I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-52337543471611784322011-01-14T20:24:00.000-08:002011-02-01T14:33:33.140-08:00

Number 19 was extracted yesterday toward the late afternoon. I brushed my teeth at work before going to see Dr. E. and realized with a pang that that was the last time I’d be attending to that particular tooth.You can have general anesthesia for this procedure, and, for all my joking about wanting it, if anyone is going to administer this kind of thing, I will preferably be in a hospital at the

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-89184754335638659582011-01-14T05:21:00.000-08:002011-01-22T17:02:42.635-08:00

Hammett seeing if a box spring that has been taken out of commission and leaned against the wall is a good spot to rest.San Francisco downtown as seen from my oral surgeon's office. At first I couldn't figure out what the shiny building at Post and Kearny was doing to the right of 44 Montgomery. And why could I see 525 Market? This even includes a bit of my very favorite building, the Millennium

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-12198979846461478332011-01-07T07:11:00.000-08:002011-01-14T12:33:35.782-08:00

New Year’s Eve was pleasant and quiet: I read a book and, just after midnight, inserted earplugs and went to sleep while the merriment continued outside. I didn’t particularly intend to be up until midnight, but was enjoying the novel The Help, which I had received for Christmas.Speaking of Christmas, it was tremendous, as always. On Christmas Eve, I went with Tom to Paul and Eva’s in Sacramento,

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-91102879607707440112010-12-23T05:27:00.000-08:002010-12-23T12:34:56.218-08:00

Technically, it’s not gone, but its days are short.(Note the correct use there of “it’s” and “its.” Also, we have no month called Febyooary. But I digress.)I went to see my endodontist, Dr. C., Monday of this week for a second opinion on my tooth, poor little number 19. Dr. C. did two root canals for me several months ago. When he came into the exam room, he shook my hand and asked, “Do you

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-90023932426417695232010-12-17T20:59:00.000-08:002010-12-23T12:13:06.311-08:00

Last night I woke up in the middle of the night with an ant walking in one ear, and also the other: I was either covered with ants or hallucinating. Given that, I had to hope I was covered with ants, and, fortunately, I was. Fifty or sixty of them had arrived for a buffet, a tasty morsel resting between the two pillows. It wasn’t too grisly. It looked like a bug wing or something. For a moment, I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-56511458513498841012010-12-15T04:41:00.000-08:002010-12-23T12:18:29.973-08:00

Hammett’s new carrier has worked out very well. When I brought it home, I put a folded-up towel in it, plus the tiny hand-knitted blanket he came home from the SPCA with, and in short order, he was seen lying inside, and, if I’m not mistaken, displaying the gravitas of the new homeowner. Of course, this is just a starter house. His next one will have a helipad and a wine cellar.On vet day, I put

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-79905902513655563712010-12-10T05:34:00.000-08:002010-12-10T13:49:21.167-08:00

The Saturday night I returned from Michigan, I saw Hud, with Paul Newman. He plays an out-and-out scoundrel, but he’s so outrageously attractive it’s hard to completely dislike him. I’m surprised that million-watt scene where Hud is lying on Alma’s bed didn’t actually melt the celluloid into gooey drips. Maybe it did, and they had to film it again, telling him to turn it down a bit this time.I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-81930333681271978422010-12-09T05:46:00.000-08:002010-12-11T22:45:03.681-08:00

(A person who lives in Demonym.)I flew to Detroit the Saturday before Thanksgiving and shared the Custom Transit van from the airport with a pair of—I won’t say “major jerks,” but a pair of really lovely, I’m sure, persons temporarily acting like major jerks, who complained loudly half the way to Ypsilanti about Custom Transit’s lousy service, when they had shown up with an extra person, which is

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-30195061842780725632010-11-13T22:56:00.000-08:002010-11-13T23:17:55.085-08:00

Today, a lovely warm autumn day, I took care of yet another chore that has been on my to-do list for a very long time: getting a carrier for Hammett, who has lived with me for four years. He doesn’t go out often, but when he does, it’s in the cardboard box Thelonious, now deceased, came home from the SPCA in 20 years ago. I’ve gotten my money’s worth out of that box (particularly considering that

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-91178897262736972702010-11-12T06:00:00.000-08:002010-11-12T15:05:33.485-08:00

Yesterday was a Day, not just a day, and I had it off from work. I recalled that exactly one year prior, Veterans Day, 2010, was my first real foray onto Facebook: hours and hours down the drain, never to be seen again. I made much better use of my time yesterday, setting up my calendar book for 2011, which is quite an involved process and takes a few hours. When I’m done, my list of contacts (

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-10727511606354374482010-11-09T05:57:00.000-08:002010-11-09T15:15:32.760-08:00

It’s still strange to have N. not at work. I find myself scolding him mentally: “Why did you let this happen to you?” Another person in our firm told me that he lost his job in the past couple of years, but took the option to work for a couple of months before his final day, and while he was doing that, he was offered another position within the company, so it would probably have been smart for N

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-11855411496177073452010-11-02T05:50:00.000-07:002010-11-02T13:45:10.370-07:00

It’s been a very noisy several days in the Mission, what with Critical Mass on Friday, Halloween on Sunday, and a tremendous hullaballoo last night that Tom informed me was due to the Giants’ winning the World Series. We had hours of honking car horns, yelling and gunshots.And it’s been a very busy several days at work, with all but two of my group out on vacation. Something rather shocking

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-33020893959473550002010-10-28T05:46:00.000-07:002010-10-28T15:59:19.735-07:00

Last Thursday evening, I went to the Zen Center to meditate, have dinner, and attend the fourth session of a class I have not yet mentioned, but which has been very beneficial so far. It’s called Trauma and Zen Practice: A Somatic Approach to Studying the Self. I read the description a few times without thinking it would be up my alley, and then noticed it was based on the work of Peter Levine. A

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-22991170391648822012010-10-24T18:40:00.000-07:002010-10-24T18:41:34.847-07:00

Today I had a very long chat on the phone with Carol Joy, and then I went to the Mission Creek Café to have lunch and play a game of chess with a friend. We were quite evenly matched, making a similar number of boneheaded mistakes. (I won, but just barely.)My chess buddy gave me a ride over to the hospice facility afterwards, where I met E. for the first time. She is 88 and entirely alert and

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-40508537028477833852010-10-23T21:34:00.000-07:002010-10-24T17:52:21.355-07:00

I'm way behind when it comes to photos, so here are some. Starting with the most recent, this is me and K. in Sebastopol today, as you will see if you make the photo enormous and squint terribly.This is Mac, Tom's mother's husband, at Tom's 50th birthday party. When Steve sent the invites, he asked us to RSVP so they'd know "how many kazoos and love beads to buy." The instruction at this party,

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-30354450259074961792010-10-23T20:15:00.000-07:002010-10-24T17:51:59.291-07:00

Today I went, in a City CarShare car, to Sebastopol to visit K.The drive up there was beautiful, all the shades of green and brown and blue. I got to meet K.’s parents and his younger brother and see where he lives. We took a walk in Armstrong Woods among the redwoods, at first trying to avoid the puddles, but once our feet were thoroughly wet—it was pouring rain—we just went ahead and walked

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-5134386545218046142010-10-20T20:22:00.000-07:002010-10-22T10:04:36.235-07:00

It has been a rather harrowing week in these parts. On Monday morning, after a sequence of events that began last Friday and will not be recounted here, I snapped and resigned from my job, which I’ve had for 12 years, giving the standard two-week notice in an extremely polite note to my boss.I felt exhilarated for the rest of the workday, and then in the evening, I was stricken with grief: my job

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-56360538390141873832010-10-19T03:00:00.000-07:002010-10-19T03:00:36.685-07:00

This past Saturday was a one-day sit at the Zen Center. It’s nice to go there Friday after work, sit in the zendo, stay for dinner, and try to line up one’s preferred chair for the next day. In particular, it’s fun to identify others who will be doing the day of meditation and get an initial feeling of esprit de corps which carries into the next morning and imparts a congenial feel to the effort.

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-49294143358303739652010-10-13T08:31:00.000-07:002010-10-22T09:31:14.027-07:00

Yesterday I was going to mention having been born anxious, but the soliloquy ended up drifting in another direction. In the evening, Howie’s talk proved to be on that very subject: fear—the anxiety of finding ourselves thrust into this world not of our own accord, and the anxiety of knowing we’ll be leaving it later at some undetermined time.He said that our foremost strategy when it comes to

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-33067266595996190412010-10-12T08:40:00.000-07:002010-10-12T15:51:06.449-07:00

Yesterday evening I received a slightly worrying phone message, from a collection agency. I think it’s not prudent to ignore that type of thing, so I called back immediately, ready to say, “No, that’s not my name, and that’s not where I live,” which I was unable to say when they asked if I was me, at my correct address.It turned out that the phone company, my friends at AT&T, had sent my

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-71665771089853316252010-10-11T08:50:00.000-07:002010-10-11T12:56:10.629-07:00

This past Saturday Steve and Julie threw Tom a 50th birthday party at their house in Sacramento. I drove us there in a City CarShare car at a brisk speed, trying to make up for the traffic jam that had us crawling inch by inch from the south side of Golden Gate Park all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge toll booths, mainly people looking for parking for the Blue Angels show.Normally we would just

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-50693001798338121872010-10-07T08:38:00.000-07:002010-10-08T12:22:49.311-07:00

Two Tuesday nights ago, I meant to go to Paul’s class at the Zen Center but instead went to Howie’s. This week, I meant to go to Howie’s but instead Tom and I took Karolina and Matthias out to dinner at a vegetarian Indian restaurant on Valencia St. near 21st St., followed by dessert at the organic ice cream place.Karolina and Matthias are the musicians from Stockholm who became acquainted with

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-4684730470152471582010-10-05T08:49:00.000-07:002010-10-05T16:29:39.086-07:00

I’ve not written for a few days, figuring I had insufficient psychological distance from the phone-related anguish of the past week, much of it self-inflicted, as always. Well, I guess all of it self-inflicted, technically. I’ll spare you the blow by blow, except to say that, no matter how furious you get, try not to say to any AT&T employee “Just go ahead and disconnect it.” Particularly if by “

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-87937896292946881442010-10-01T08:49:00.000-07:002010-10-07T16:10:28.952-07:00

Today it is six years since my Aunt Netta died. I called my uncle to let him know that I was thinking of him and of her. Of course, I think about both of them often, but I wanted him to know that others are with him in spirit on this terrible anniversary in particular.Did I ever say this here before? My father, mother and I went to see Aunt Netta in the hospital what turned out to be just a few

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-10913568534161606862010-09-29T08:47:00.000-07:002010-09-29T15:15:40.023-07:00

Last night I was going to go to the first session of Paul Haller’s Zen in Action class at the Zen Center, but, unrelated to that, decided to fix the links on my blog, which is celebrating its five-year anniversary tomorrow. I guess checking one’s links once every five years is not overdoing things. I got rid of a few, added a few, sort of put them into clumps here and there.Pursuant to that, I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-87090091019035760722010-09-28T09:00:00.000-07:002010-09-29T10:36:41.555-07:00

Lest anyone think I never see anything other than the inside of my own head, which does seem to be most of what I see, I thought I’d start reporting more on sights observed and people encountered, such as, on Market St. this morning, Alexis, who is soon off to Guam for six months with her boyfriend. We have a running joke about how I’m the law-abiding cyclist and she’s not so much that.I was

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-9132578895694223962010-09-26T18:28:00.000-07:002010-09-27T16:38:41.406-07:00

I’ve quit writing down all my dreams again because I hate to waste all that paper, knowing I’ll never look at most of it again, and also to save the time in the morning, but I’ve had a few lucid dreams since then—which I do write down—so I think keeping a dream journal is not essential for lucid dreaming, though many will swear it is.I can’t recall ever having a non-lucid dream where I flew

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-83667328824680846212010-09-23T07:01:00.000-07:002010-09-27T16:46:08.281-07:00

I have had some nine or ten sore throats since late May, three of which developed into actual colds, and I could now almost open my own cold remedy store, between Lisa’s cold protocol, Jeff’s cold protocol, what my father used to use back in the 1970s, and what the Internet says. The last three times I got a sore throat, I tried something I’d read about online, and it worked like a charm all

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-62509369381506615512010-09-22T06:18:00.000-07:002010-09-27T14:08:07.281-07:00

If I may continue in curmudgeon vein for another post:A great thing (this isn't the curmudgeonly part) happened recently. Not far from my living room/bedroom/office window is another building, on the top floor of which lives an older couple. Below them is a youngish couple who are generally very quiet, except that every several months, one of them stays up until 3 a.m. blasting old R&B albums.On

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-66498056658710597792010-09-21T05:26:00.000-07:002010-09-27T16:52:04.561-07:00

My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in early September. I sent a card, and, on the day itself, placed a congratulatory telephone call during which my mother observed, “Staying married is one thing. Staying alive is the other thing.” In mid-August, my co-worker Emily and I had lunch at Marnee Thai. We’ve been working together for eight or nine years, and talk on the phone just

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-73266487542796162212010-08-07T15:20:00.000-07:002010-08-07T15:37:20.305-07:00

I returned from my metta (lovingkindness) retreat at Spirit Rock on a Friday, and the following morning went to the Zen Center to meet someone from last year’s Establishing the Path of Practice class and hear Blanche Hartman’s lecture, which was about metta! That was a pleasing coincidence.Afterward, my classmate and I had lunch with another man from our class and his husband, at the café one

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-22056089406475296052010-07-28T06:01:00.000-07:002010-08-02T13:10:38.624-07:00

The hurly-burly of traffic can be more than just stressful. A couple of weeks ago, I took BART to work while my bike was in the shop. I walk relatively slowly, so there is often someone who thinks (correctly) that he or she will be able to squeeze in front of me going into the turnstile even though I’m only six inches from it. Yes, this is irritating, but what can you do? Well, I confess that if

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-38157945293917086322010-07-27T06:46:00.000-07:002010-08-02T10:57:57.378-07:00

In mid-July, I spent a week at Spirit Rock Meditation Center on a metta, or lovingkindness, meditation retreat, where you consciously generate friendly wishes while sitting in meditation, and while doing everything else—walking meditation, eating, showering, moving from place to place, falling asleep.Spirit Rock: a bucolic place in western Marin County where they take out all your stuffing and

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-50623504329205795052010-07-26T06:12:00.000-07:002010-07-30T12:29:32.240-07:00

I discovered some speck of something or other on my cotton duvet cover not long ago and was pleased when it was easily removed using a wet washcloth. I adjusted the gooseneck lamp by the bed so that the light shone on the spot, to help it dry. When I returned to check on progress, an ant was hurrying toward the circle of light, maybe thinking, “Yeah! The sun’s out. I’m going to lie on the beach!”

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-4728375761658698352010-07-09T06:55:00.000-07:002010-07-09T11:01:48.456-07:00

Sure enough, last night I had a lucid dream, the first since April 25! In the dream, I was in an apartment where I lived in the 90s, and noticed there were two kitchen sinks, and in fact, two kitchens. I said to Hammett, “Could I be dreaming?” though I was almost embarrassed to ask such a silly question. It seemed extremely implausible that I wasn’t awake, two kitchens or no—everything was so

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-14535396496474475802010-07-08T05:00:00.000-07:002010-07-09T09:59:05.103-07:00

I think the lucid dreaming project is back on track. I haven’t had a lucid dream in more than two months, but I can tell one’s coming. A couple of months ago, I decided to give up on this project because it seemed the results—one lucid dream every two weeks on average, most very brief, except for one ten-minute extravaganza—weren’t worth the expenditure of energy and the missed sleep, though by

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-57957544780829149212010-07-07T06:22:00.000-07:002010-07-09T11:18:25.911-07:00

This past Saturday, Tom (for anyone just joining us, that's my tall, handsome ex-boyfriend/best friend) and I drove a City CarShare Prius to Sacramento to visit Ann and Mac. The Prius, like the other City CarShare cars at our nearest location, was kind of grubby inside—if I ever switch to another car-sharing operation, that will be the only reason—and it was also weirdly jerky, as if Tom was

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-89790755240093822512010-07-06T05:45:00.000-07:002010-07-09T11:22:04.010-07:00

Last Tuesday, the day after B. died, I was no longer in tears, but just very sleepy. At odd moments, I think of her and am surprised anew that she’s gone. On Wednesday evening, I took my bike to Freewheel so Jason could build the new less groovy wheel, but he was out ill, so I rode over to the Zen Center, had dinner there and stayed for Wendy Lewis’s dharma talk.On Thursday, something very

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-11717502111406540942010-07-02T05:39:00.000-07:002010-07-02T14:45:55.086-07:00

When I visited B. last Sunday night, she was asleep the whole time, though she reached for my hand, or a hand, so we got to hold hands, too. On Monday afternoon, I called her daughter to see about a visit that evening after work, and her daughter said that B. was still sleeping soundly, so I decided to visit the following day instead, and went to bed quite early, about 8:30, as I aspire to do

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-7526861598789205822010-06-28T06:12:00.000-07:002010-06-29T00:34:50.041-07:00

Friday after work I went to see B. and found her off morphine and relatively animated. Her son and daughter-in-law, both lovely folks, were there, too. We were able to talk with B. She told us she loved us, and drank almost a whole cup of water, almost on her own.Afterward, I walked home and happened upon the Trans March leaving Dolores Park. It brought a tear to my eye—so brave, as it once was

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-44096050339665686322010-06-28T05:48:00.000-07:002010-06-29T00:36:39.230-07:00

The soon-to-be mentioned Kyle said I could post his picture (though I warned him it was not going to increase his fame; if anything, the reverse).

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-60571738118099276152010-06-26T08:01:00.000-07:002010-06-28T13:04:33.363-07:00

In recent years, I’ve been noticing a sort of annoying grinding sound when I apply the brakes on my bicycle, something that I know hasn’t been the case all the years I’ve been riding a bike. Coming up on two years ago, I was in a bike accident courtesy of the cyclist behind me that, among other things, wrecked my rear wheel, and Dan at Freewheel built me a new one, so I ended up with one rim that

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-88282975475221791952010-06-25T05:14:00.000-07:002010-06-25T15:06:30.983-07:00

The lucid dreaming project is underway again—the hiatus didn’t end up lasting long—albeit with no lucid dreams in a couple of months, the longest dry spell since this project began last July 29. That’s OK. I’m having and quite enjoying (non-lucid) dreams full of remarkable visions and enchanting spectacles—lots of bright colors and shiny things and people flying in the air (not me, yet) and

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-44377598517827006402010-05-12T06:07:00.000-07:002010-05-12T16:10:09.752-07:00

On May 1, I undertook, by bicycle, the 100-kilometer course of the Wine Country Century, which starts and ends in Santa Rosa. This is normally a 62-mile ride (since 100 kilometers is normally 62 miles), but if you miss the final turn and go four miles past the finish line, it can be parlayed into 70 miles. Just saying. The 70 miles took me seven hours. The course was congenial—not overly

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-17536945803513250172010-05-08T14:32:00.000-07:002010-05-14T12:20:16.913-07:00

(Do you come here often?)I think I’ve mentioned that my parents have been engaged in learning Spanish for some time. My father started long ago and has pretty much mastered it—he can watch TV in Spanish with near-total comprehension.To be precise, he says sometimes he understands everything so completely, he forgets it’s in Spanish, while other times he has no idea what they’re talking about. He

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-40960460747870141172010-05-02T13:37:00.000-07:002010-05-14T12:22:05.627-07:00

This winter’s rainy season was unusually long, and my place filled up with ants accordingly. Normally, they go outside once it’s dry and warm enough, but I suspect that after so many moist months, they’ve forgotten that outside exists. They are absolutely everywhere and we coexist peacefully for the most part, just different kinds of beings sharing the same apartment—or so I thought until I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-41419570517033569462010-04-25T08:50:00.000-07:002010-04-26T13:28:27.541-07:00

I’ve been obsessed with lucid dreaming for nine months and have immersed myself very thoroughly in the subject, reading several books and making near daily visits to a particular LD website, where I have received many excellent ideas.And then, a few days ago, I was like, you know what? Screw it. This project is over.This came shortly after recording approximately this dream for what seemed like

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-71536534585843492892010-04-10T11:41:00.001-07:002010-04-10T11:49:19.609-07:00

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-49982123822719458932010-04-10T11:29:00.000-07:002010-04-10T11:41:33.024-07:00

Where the weekday magic happens.Easter is (or was at the time) coming! Normally the person who rings up your groceries refrains from commenting on your purchases, but when I bought my yearly supply of Easter eggs, the checkout lady observed that I was certainly buying a lot of chocolate! I said I find it tastes better when it comes wrapped in bright colors and she said, deadpan, "That's been my

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-75362487187353283152010-04-10T11:14:00.001-07:002010-04-10T11:29:13.115-07:00

Somewhere along the line, my mother suggested that I could solve the ancient (20 years?) problem of the little lamp with no shade by just getting a new clamp lamp, which I did, and it's great:But, alas, with the clamp lamp in place of the little lamp with no shade, the room was too dark, so the problem persists, albeit on the other side of the/my room—my living room/bedroom/dining room/office/

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-90481365272894236662010-04-10T11:01:00.000-07:002010-04-10T11:11:07.350-07:00

Not every day do I get to dine with seven personable gentlemen. (In fact, never before, come to think of it.) Lisa was still inside the restaurant. That's David in the front row looking like he's about 18 years old.Michael and PaulDavid and Lisa

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-65287533304063735832010-04-09T21:08:00.001-07:002010-04-09T21:13:16.200-07:00

I have resolved for the most part not to recount dreams here in detail, because it's generally pretty boring to hear about other people's dreams (unless they're about you), and also, they may afford more of a window into my psyche than I wish to supply.Apropos of that, I once had a music teacher who told me that I needed to learn to play so that my thoughts and feelings came through my horn."But

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-10963371423655282822010-04-07T06:59:00.000-07:002010-04-09T10:11:38.039-07:00

Yet another way lucid dreaming is improving my waking life is that I’m making an even greater effort to notice all of my senses—something I do for my meditation practice, anyway—so that my dreams will be more vivid. My dreams seem to be featuring more colors, more smells, more physical sensations, plus of course that much more is experienced consciously in waking life. Also, I periodically reread

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-31956318102078199772010-04-06T06:45:00.000-07:002010-04-09T10:19:42.552-07:00

The last Saturday in March was a day of tropical heat and sun, relatively speaking. It was gorgeous. I had a lucid dream to record in the morning, the aforementioned fourth one in the month of March, and in the early afternoon, I rode over to see B. This time, I took Scott to Post, which was much better than riding north on Masonic, though a bit hillier at the end.There are cyclists everywhere

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-64974144611952492842010-04-05T06:28:00.000-07:002010-04-09T10:25:39.551-07:00

It’s been a month, so I know all four of you want to hear about lucid dreaming! I will oblige.In mid-March, after many days of getting to bed too late, I was finally able to retire at my preferred bedtime of 8:20 p.m. for a few days in a row, and somewhere along in there, I had by far the longest (non-lucid) dream I’ve ever recalled. It was exceptionally vivid, and took more than three

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-73898691064862708622010-03-06T15:07:00.001-08:002010-03-10T11:17:45.141-08:00

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-34254854009577941972010-03-06T14:51:00.000-08:002010-03-06T15:02:39.570-08:00

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-42283924947046074742010-03-06T14:42:00.000-08:002010-03-06T14:49:56.082-08:00

Why did my bread do this?The flash on my camera is so powerful, it almost looks like I cleaned the bathroom, doesn't it?

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-3205586058359694002010-03-01T06:01:00.000-08:002010-04-08T15:05:24.780-07:00

My experiments with WILD are continuing. On the Dreamviews website, there is a lot of obsessing about sleep paralysis. We are generally paralyzed when we are asleep, to prevent us from acting out our dreams. If you’ve ever woken up and not been able to move, it’s because things have gotten out of sync and while your mind has awakened, your body didn’t get the message and is still paralyzed (

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-42652621583310019852010-02-22T19:55:00.000-08:002010-03-06T14:21:39.223-08:00

I don’t know if I mentioned here that, besides my ailing hospice lady, since deceased, I had a co-worker in Des Moines whose cancer had recurred. I had never met this co-worker in person, but we had had some nice conversations via email, so I got inspired to go visit her, and asked my team lead if she would be interested in joining me. She said she did want to do that, and obtained our plane

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-41960605007560617942010-02-17T05:43:00.000-08:002010-03-12T10:13:15.372-08:00

I’m starting to experiment with the other main lucid dreaming induction technique, WILD. The one I’ve been working with is MILD: Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams, which involves doing reality checks during the day, and, during the night, combining auto-suggestion with picturing yourself back in a recent dream realizing you’re dreaming.I did have a little lucid dream—I think—last week where I

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-17199396112114387422010-02-15T19:46:00.000-08:002010-02-16T14:09:04.901-08:00

Last Saturday, a week ago, I went to see D., who was mostly asleep, though we did also take a brief trip to a chapel-like room on the second floor of her facility, and I did my cooking and Tom and I watched Killshot, starring Mickey Rourke and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I had never noticed before how attractive Mickey Rourke is. Of course, I have seen hardly any of his films. Now I’ll have to see

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-18653760325723095852010-02-01T05:49:00.000-08:002010-02-15T12:36:19.564-08:00

I called D. last Thursday to make a date for this past weekend and found she had taken a severe downturn and couldn’t get out of bed. That was startling and somewhat upsetting, as she had been up and around just four days prior.I felt rattled for a short while, as if there were something I should do. I worried that maybe she would die before I saw her again, and then I reminded myself that there

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-85356241013166113102010-01-26T06:17:00.000-08:002010-02-15T12:07:47.772-08:00

The lucid dreaming project is now six months old, and I’m averaging two lucid dreams a month, which is an absolutely satisfactory state of affairs. My goal is to be able to have them pretty much at will, and to be able to prolong lucidity for some minutes.I had stopped having an alarm go off in the middle of the night on the theory that I want to be able to have lucid dreams without external aids

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-24546167290494107682010-01-20T05:07:00.000-08:002010-01-20T16:14:03.368-08:00

Last weekend was top-notch in terms of entertainment. Tom and I went to see the Cirque du Soleil show Ovo on Friday night, a mesmerizing, beautiful spectacle. They are such amazing performers, and the costumes were so gorgeous and inventive. It was extremely funny in parts, and the live music was outstanding.Afterward, we went to see the Red Cross ship that is docked at about the east end of 16th

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-36826298775725977522010-01-19T05:45:00.000-08:002010-01-20T15:53:08.994-08:00

On the first day of this year, I met my new hospice visitee, D., who is only 57. The first thing I noticed was how beautifully she’d decorated her room at the hospice, though she’d only been there a few days. It is full of art and gorgeous things to look at and framed photos, and she herself was dressed on that day as if she were going on a date, complete with sparkling jewelry.I have since been

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-6471175578832854662010-01-09T18:28:00.000-08:002010-01-09T20:29:38.539-08:00

On 12/16/09, I turned the lights out at 8:54 p.m., and was up again making dream notes at 11:11 p.m., 12:00 a.m., 1:42 a.m., 3:26 a.m. and 4:48 a.m. (A REM period ends approximately every 90 minutes.) The alarm went off at 5:20 a.m. the next day and I recorded five good solid juicy dreams plus three snippets, referring to the dream notes on the floor.

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-72570975734188807262010-01-06T06:34:00.000-08:002010-01-06T15:38:47.466-08:00

The last day of 2009, we were allowed to leave work three hours early, which I wasn’t expecting. I decided to spend this bounty of time eating junk food and watching three DVDs in a row.After I got home, I got sidetracked reading a novel, but had implemented my plan to the extent of eating way too much sugar when I got a call about vigil.When I went through hospice training, my intention was to

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-45571696865441919452009-12-31T06:48:00.000-08:002009-12-31T13:01:44.466-08:00

Christmas was absolutely splendid once again this year, perhaps the eleventh in a row I have celebrated with Tom’s family, bless their welcoming and kindly hearts. Tom and I took the train to Sacramento Christmas Eve, albeit different trains, since Tom missed the bus from the Ferry Building to Emeryville due to some last-minute shopping.One thing he had wanted to do was pick up one of his bike

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19929739.post-18949814982461468922009-12-31T06:13:00.000-08:002009-12-31T12:47:54.179-08:00

Guess who had a lucid dream? My mother!She was having a recurring dream, which caused her to become lucid—“I’ve seen this before”—and she also successfully practiced dream control! She said to herself, “If I’m dreaming, I ought to be able to do such-and-such,” and then immediately did it.Lucid dreaming is no more a goal of hers than it is of my father’s, but, as she said, it’s in the air these

Bugwalkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17502605631259314881noreply@blogger.com0